So I’m going to be
doing a little thing called Adventures in Portland. It’s a series about my
adventures in Portland if you didn’t get that from the title. Here’s the first
installment. Let me know what you guys think and I’ll keep doing more of ‘em
until you or I (probably you guys, I refuse to cave first) am tired of them! Also
my memory sucks so I may make some parts up, or all of them. Hey! That could be
a thing. Guess how much of this story is true? Just KIDDING it’s true for the
most part: Oh before I start a little background for those that don’t know. I was
in Portland, Oregon for an internship that lasted two months and Wagner was my
roommate. Ok now for real:
Every so often while I was in Portland I needed to eat. So when
I got tired of sneaking Wagner’s food I had to go to Safeway (think Genaurdi’s
if you feel you need to relate to the story, or just want a mental image. Also
think a squirrel quickly eating a nut behind the open fridge door if you want
another mental picture of me sneaking food) Well one day this very thing occurred.
I hadn’t left the apartment much so as I was walking down the streets of the
city I felt liberated.
It’s was a non-rainy
day, the smell of weed wasn’t too strong, and I was feeling great because I was
finally walking with a purpose: find food. Little did I know this was going to
be the most painful and awkward day of my life. When I got to safe way I
loaded my cart up. Milk, tonnss of pasta, canned things, toiletries, heavy
bottles, soy sauce (remember the soy sauce it comes into play later), big bag
of rice and basically everything in sight. I don’t know what I was thinking but
for whatever reason I forgot I didn’t have a car, or that I’m the weakest
person I know, or that bags don’t carry themselves- it’s why they have handles.
As I finished paying
and checking out I had a total of three bags. (Now that I’m thinking about it do
bags all together feel lighter if you disperse the items into several bags so
that each individual bag is light in itself? You know, distribute the weight
more evenly? I don’t know. I hate regret, I don’t want to know. Someone scientifically
figure it out.)So I picked my first bag up and broke my right arm. It was the
heaviest thing I’ve ever even looked at let alone lifted. Then the second bag
and broke my other arm, then the third which I tried to hold in my right hand along
with the first bag. (Also now that I think about it I should have just returned
some of the food. Whatever.) And so I got a small taste of the things to come
that day, I should’ve seen the broken arms as a warning. But I’m me, so I didn’t.
I had to cut it short because I’m over my word limit so this
is Part 1 and is serving as an intro to this first adventure. Some of the
things that happened that day were almost unbelievably ridiculous but you’ll
find out next time what happens.
Erin Nicole x
No comments:
Post a Comment