Friday, February 24, 2012

The Day I Broke My Arms - Part 1

So I’m going to be doing a little thing called Adventures in Portland. It’s a series about my adventures in Portland if you didn’t get that from the title. Here’s the first installment. Let me know what you guys think and I’ll keep doing more of ‘em until you or I (probably you guys, I refuse to cave first) am tired of them! Also my memory sucks so I may make some parts up, or all of them. Hey! That could be a thing. Guess how much of this story is true? Just KIDDING it’s true for the most part: Oh before I start a little background for those that don’t know. I was in Portland, Oregon for an internship that lasted two months and Wagner was my roommate. Ok now for real:

Every so often while I was in Portland I needed to eat. So when I got tired of sneaking Wagner’s food I had to go to Safeway (think Genaurdi’s if you feel you need to relate to the story, or just want a mental image. Also think a squirrel quickly eating a nut behind the open fridge door if you want another mental picture of me sneaking food) Well one day this very thing occurred. I hadn’t left the apartment much so as I was walking down the streets of the city I felt liberated.

 It’s was a non-rainy day, the smell of weed wasn’t too strong, and I was feeling great because I was finally walking with a purpose: find food. Little did I know this was going to be the most painful and awkward day of my life. When I got to safe way I loaded my cart up. Milk, tonnss of pasta, canned things, toiletries, heavy bottles, soy sauce (remember the soy sauce it comes into play later), big bag of rice and basically everything in sight. I don’t know what I was thinking but for whatever reason I forgot I didn’t have a car, or that I’m the weakest person I know, or that bags don’t carry themselves- it’s why they have handles.

 As I finished paying and checking out I had a total of three bags. (Now that I’m thinking about it do bags all together feel lighter if you disperse the items into several bags so that each individual bag is light in itself? You know, distribute the weight more evenly? I don’t know. I hate regret, I don’t want to know. Someone scientifically figure it out.)So I picked my first bag up and broke my right arm. It was the heaviest thing I’ve ever even looked at let alone lifted. Then the second bag and broke my other arm, then the third which I tried to hold in my right hand along with the first bag. (Also now that I think about it I should have just returned some of the food. Whatever.) And so I got a small taste of the things to come that day, I should’ve seen the broken arms as a warning. But I’m me, so I didn’t.

I had to cut it short because I’m over my word limit so this is Part 1 and is serving as an intro to this first adventure. Some of the things that happened that day were almost unbelievably ridiculous but you’ll find out next time what happens.

Erin Nicole x

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